"Things I'm 'Here' For" Part 1

HELLO!  It's the middle of December and I am so excited to end this year on a good note and start the new year on a spectacular one!

 Although this entire year has been transformative, the  last quarter of the year has been truly inspiring and life changing for me.

 In the last three months I...

• performed in my first play in New York City
• have begun to  develop a support system that includes lots of amazing folks
•  started this blog
• started seeing clients independently as a speech therapist
• took a hosting  and interviewing class and am preparing to pitch a show idea (stay tuned!)

During this time, I've come across a few very inspiring things that have contributed to my re-awakening.  Since this time of year is often full of giving, I decided to share the things "I'm Here For," meaning things I support, promote, and celebrate.  The list (in no particular order) is as follows:

1) JENIFER LEWIS
Ms. Jenifer Lewis has always been one of my favorite actors.  She has always been consistently stellar in her performances, and is a role model for longevity in the industry.  Her speech at the screening for the movie "Baggage Claim" was widely shared back in September.  When I watched it, she "got me together," and inspired me to get back to my craft.  I have watched this at least 10 times, and it never gets old.  Check out her advice to aspiring actors HERE:
(BTW, did you know she had bipolar disorder? Check out her inspring and intriguing interview with Oprah HERE.)

2) BRENE BROWN
If you don't know about Dr. Brene Brown, you need to look her up right now. She is a qualitative researcher that studies shame, vulnerability, perfectionism, and authenticity in all people, but mainly women.  She breaks down how shame and fear of imperfection can be huge barriers to living authentic and happy lives.  When I first started her book "I thought It was just me, (but it isn't)," I had no idea that so much of what was in her book hit so close to home for me.  According to Brene, everyone experiences shame, and realizing how to cope with it can allow us to have more resilient lives.  Through reading this book I've learned that we have to explore those uncomfortable places in our lives to heal and get to the next stage of our greatness. Check her TED talk out HERE.  Thanks to my friend Joy, I am part of a fabulous book club that is currently reading "I thought it was just me."  Check Joy's blog, "Joy in the City" out HERE.

3) THERAPY
Real talk, I've been  going to therapy on and off since 19.  I am an advocate of mental health and a huge proponent of therapy.  I recently started  going again, and I must say it has been essential and sorting through a lot of the noise in my mind.  If you haven't already, and you feel like you want to talk to someone, go to therapy.  You don't have to have a mental illness, be in a dark place, or have "issues" to go.  If anything, it's great to just share things with someone objective. Most insurance plans cover it, many churches and other houses of worship have it for free or suggested donation, and private therapists often have sliding scales.


4)WORKING OUT

This is not me.

Although I have an inconsistent workout schedule, every time I go, I get some life.  Those endorphins are so wonderful for boosting my mood and relaxing me at the same time. I have to make myself go most days, but when I do, I'm always glad I did.
Get you some.

5) BEYONCE

So, anyone who knows me, knows I'm a huge Beyonce fan.  I'm a STAN. I've been a die hard supporter since I was in high school when "No No No" came out. I am currently conspiring to find a way into this concert at the Barclays on Thursday.  I could not write this post without discussing Bey.  If you don't like Beyonce, I forgive you. Kind of. But you may want to scroll down to the end of the post at this point:)

I have been in a BEY trance since I woke up Friday morning and saw she released her album. I was late for work downloading it.  I have listened to it everyday, for the majority of each day, since then. I'm listening to it now.  I am not at a place to eloquently articulate my adoration for this album. Or my admiration of her choice to release it with no promotion, no announcement, nothing.  Or my awe at her evolution. Or my inspiration to get my body snatched up after seeing her body in all of these videos.

I'm still a bit in shock and glee.  I'll just have to dedicate a whole post to her. In short, this album is definitely getting me through the rest of the year.

5) SUPPORTIVE FAMILY AND FRIENDS
Everyone I've talked to about my journey, including my parents, husband, and friends (including all of you) has been extremely supportive.  It means so much to me to know that I have people on my side as I take some scary steps to the next phase of my life.  I am truly blessed and eternally grateful. Thank you.

I'm "HERE" for so many other things, but since it's close to midnight, I'll wrap up for now.

Goodnight:)
Rhonda Marie

VLOG: Procrastination and Distraction

Hey guys! Today, I had so much swirling in my head and I couldn't express it through writing. So I did a video!

P.S.  I ended up watching Braxton Family Values while working...a nice compromise for myself.


Rhonda Marie

Keep it moving

This was a great idea I had at work.

I'm full of ideas.  All the time.  In fact, some days I can't even sleep for thinking of all sorts of exciting possibilities.  I LOVE to start new projects. At any given time, in my head, I could have about 5-10 projects in the works. (Apparently I'm 81% right brained, so there you go!)



I HATE not finishing what I start.  The most upsetting  thing to me is not that I did not finish, but the fact that I got so excited in the first place.

Over the years, I've realized that everything takes time.  A great idea is not a bad idea if does not come to fruition right away.  The lesson is to keep working.

When I had my epiphany last month about re-igniting my acting career, I devised a plan to quit  my job by a set date and get a certain amount of private clients by another date in order to make enough money to have flexibility to pursue my career while still maintaining my lifestyle financially.  In order to achieve those goals, I registered with two different early intervention companies to obtain home based clients,  completed an inhumane amount of paperwork, record gathering( I waited 2.5 hours for medical records, name changing, approval lettering (NYC is ridiculous with paperwork), and looked into some other private companies for work.  What I thought would be a very easy process and my ticket out of full time work turned out to be wrought with obstacles.  Right now it is looking like my "deadlines" are not going to be met.

I was starting to feel discouraged because I feel like the longer I stay at my job,  the longer I'll feel guilt about leaving, and I'll eventually end up staying.  This is a common pattern: I'll make a plan, then feel like I have to "do-it-now" or else it won't happen.  I've recently realized that this not the way to approach change.  I can allow myself to be disappointed, but not to the point where I stop the work.  The idea that "anything is possible" does not mean "everything is easy."  I have to keep working, even if I get annoyed with minor setbacks, and simply revise my plans instead of canceling them.


I figured this out as I typed it, hehe.  Then I got another idea...how about if I got encouraged  by reminding myself what I have done thus far:
1) Hired by two different early intervention companies to pursue part time work.
2) Started taking an on-camera hosting and interviewing class (more about that in another post)
3) Gathered all on-camera clips to prepare a demo reel.
4) Changed my headshot to reflect my married name (look for that story in the next post also)
5) Connected with people in the "industry" for the possibility of future projects.

Not bad for a month, and I've got a whole lot more to do. No need to be down, I simply have to keep it moving.
Rhonda Marie

A re-introduction

A few affirmations before I begin:

I am choosing to write now as a therapeutic process and for documentation.

I am writing this as a first step to launch into the next phase of my life.

I am not going to judge this, I am simply going to be Rhonda Marie, the same Rhonda I've always been.

*deep inhale*

My first headshot in 2007

In 2009, after three years of "acting-on-the side," while working as a speech therapist, I embarked on a journey to officially begin my career as a full time actor. I got accepted to the highly coveted School at Steppenwolf summer training program, quit my full time job as a school speech pathologist,  and made steps to finally pursue my dream fully.

In the thick of it in 2009

School of Steppenwolf -I'm in the green

 A rigorous and life altering experience, the School launched me into my career into full speed.  Within a month of graduating, I had an agent, booked my first commercial job, and was cast in a play. I spent two years auditioning like crazy, starring in plays, commercials, and doing lots of understudy work at the major equity theaters in Chicago. I vigorously trained in Shakespeare, Meisner, and other techniques, while working super part time as an early intervention speech therapist. Although it was stressful, it was always exciting, and I lived and breathed my new life.  I had  never felt more driven and motivated.  I learned tons of things about the world, met some amazing people, and grew light years as a person. I felt like " this is who I am, who I was meant to be: this is the life I always wanted to live!

Feeling fierce and fearless in 2010

Towards the early part of 2011, things began to shift.  My boyfriend of four years moved to New York to pursue his film career, and although I wanted to join him, I felt I wasn't ready.  I was just now making strides in the Chicago theater world, growing in my craft, and figuring out the whole working-artist thing. But my plan was still to go, and I made steps to prepare for that move.  In the meantime, my mental health started to decline. Although, the whole "rejection thing" about acting is inevitable, it was really difficult for me to deal with.  I started to get really anxious when auditioning (to the point where I would cry in anguish before and after), and even started to dread attending them, even if it was for a job I really wanted.  My scattered schedule proved to not be the best match for me:  I was working daytime shows in schools, seeing speech therapy clients, going on adjusting is, taking classes, traveling to Wisconsin to facilitate trainings, and understudying plays. I was constantly stretched too thin, late, unprepared, emotionally drained and completely overwhelmed. In the spring of 2011, after understudying a play at Steppenwolf, I decided to take a break from acting. It was a tough decision but I felt it was best while I focused on my mental health and financial stability.  I didn't know when or if I would come back to acting full time, but it was a step I needed to take.  So, In the fall of 2011, I went back to work in the schools.  I was in recovery mode and I had a lot to sort through in my head.

Six months later, I was engaged.  Six months after that...we got married!

A week later, I joined my husband in New York, and continued working full time again in the New York Public Schools.  

Yes, that all happened.

It was the fastest time in my entire life, and I'm still processing. I spent the first three months of my newly married life on autopilot, trying to find my footing after experiencing four major life events in a two week period. Work gave me stability and a consistent schedule, but there was no denying that I was missing the creative part of me: the artist---the actor.  To feed my craving, I enrolled in a monologue class which help me in reducing my new found "audition anxiety."  I auditioned for a few small projects here and there to sort of test the waters but was still afraid of stepping back in fully. I still felt like that "super ambitious, go-getter "  in me was gone, and my time to be young and hopeful passed.  As the school year progressed, I tried make myself believe that working as a school speech therapist was where was supposed to end up. I would say to myself, "hey, you have great benefits, a set schedule, summers off...why would you dare change that?" I pretended to enjoy work, and although I had some good days with my students, I was incredibly unfulfilled, unmotivated and just plain unhappy. I dreaded almost every day. I spent many days feeling like a zombie, going through the motions, looking forward to only three things: 12:00 (lunchtime), 3:00(end of day), and 2:30 on Fridays (early dismissal).

During my summer off, I was cast in a new play with talented actors. Although the experience was not perfect or ideal (more about that in another post),  I made new friends and became connected with the artist community I had been missing. I REALLY wanted to go back to acting  full time at that point,  but I was still fearful of taking the leap (AGAIN) and experiencing some of the negative things I did before. I also didn't have a plan. So, in September of this year, I begrudgingly went back to work.

It is now November, and approximately a month ago, I decided that it is time. My BREAK is officially over:  I have decided to tell fear to step aside as a re-launch my acting career in New York. Instead of allowing my past experience to cripple me, I will use it to guide and inspire me. 

Today, I read a post from my old blog, SOLE DIAMOND  and was so motivated by my four-years-ago self. I was so young and green,yet extremely brave and tenacious.  After reading, I realize that I still am.  I am still that Rhonda Marie, and I always will be.

Time to unleash her once again.

 









Rhonda Marie