Re-calibration of Rhonda Marie

Hi all!  I had this awesome vlog that I just finished editing. It took a while to edit it and now it just got deleted.  All of it.

Sometimes this stuff happens, but I'm pretty disappointed. It was going to be a good one.

I have a lot of exciting new updates and thoughts about life. But in this very moment I'm extremely pissed that I accidently  deleted the video. 

My husband, an acclaimed film editor (wink) said that this is something that happens to everyone. That makes me feel a little better, but not enough to redo the entire vlog.

So when I'm done pouting, I will update you guys on everything that's gone on with me in the past month.  For now, I'll be authentic and pissed.

Rhonda Marie

The Journey to Authenticity: 6 things I figured out today

Hello all!

I have so much planned for this year already, and I'm overflowing with excitement about it. I feel driven, determined, and eager to accomplish all of the things I set out to do.

I also find myself dealing with fear and doubt about it at least once a day. On Monday, I proactively wrote a list called "Manifestation Manifesto," which includes all of the things I plan to do that start this year, specifically within the next six months.  Reading it aloud and looking at it daily, I am affirming these things and putting them out into the universe.  It felt so good to do that, so empowering.

The next day I was feeling fear and doubt again.

Then I decided I wasn't going to be overwhelmed with those feelings.

So, after a few inspirational podcasts ;) , I figured out these 6 things:

1) Fear is inevitable, you have to face it and dance with it
Fear will always be there. Even when it seems to have gone, it will show up for a visit.  If you try to run from your fears, they become stronger. The goal is to face them or rather "dance" with them. Check out Tony Robbins demonstrating this dance:

 Most of the time, the worst case scenario is never as bad as you think it will be. 
 "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning how to dance in the rain."
-Tony Robbins

The perfect and safe scenario may NEVER exist for you. So you've got to get wet!

2) Keep Going
I oven lose motivation and momentum when I figure out that things have gotten to hard. Sometimes, more often than I would like to admit, I just quit (for instance, I'm struggling to stay focused and write this post, and I'm sleepy.  I almost quit just now.)  I've learned that most things worth having take work (look for a post on weight loss soon) and there are no quick fixes.  You have to work even when it's the hardest and least desirable, and usually that's when the "magic" happens...things start to "look up" and opportunities start to flow in.  But you can't experience it if you are not working and putting the energy out there to receive it.  So keep pushing!

3) Keep people around you who inspire you and will keep you motivated
Many people will express general support when you are working towards a goal.  Heard the phrases "As long as you're happy."  or "I support you whatever you decide"?  Those are really kind words of encouragement, but when you are in the thick of it, it's most important to keep those around you who can nurture your ideas, keep you motivated, and who will most importantly, hold you accountable.  As I've stated before in my post " Keep it Moving,"  I have a million ideas buzzing in my head at any given time. If I didn't have people to talk through those things with and follow up with me, I would likely shut down and give up.  I've learned it's important reach out and ask for what you need. Sometimes you have to create your inspiration/accountability circle, and it could start with something as simple as calling a friend and sharing a new idea.

4)Have faith and affirm
Prayer, meditation, fasting, and anything else you may do to get grounded is incredibly helpful.  You have to believe you can do these things.

Affirmations are awesome.  Even though I often forget to recite them, and sometimes feel really cheezy when I do, they work WONDERS.  I'm a strong believer in the manifestation of thought and things spoken.  I can think of at least five instances of thoughts I've had that have come true. Visualize and affirm.  This is also awesome for self esteem.

5) Know that you are worthy and capable of greatness
 I could say a lot about this topic, but this classic Marianne Williamson (requoted by Nelson Mandela) quote describes it way better:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.

We ask ourselves
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small
Does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine,
As children do.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us;
It's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we're liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others."

I've known about this quote for over 10 years now, and it's always on point. We should not dare ever think that we are not worthy of brilliance.

6) I just realized this whole post is an affirmation. I will be reading it often.

Take wings and fly.

Rhonda Marie

Controlling your Art

What!  Two posts in one week!  I'm on fire!

No, I'm actually really tired.

Lately I've been extremely busy with all of the transitioning I've been doing.  In preparation of creating this flexible employment experience to allow space for me to pursue acting and other endavors (breath), I haven't had very much time to create.  I have been so busy working on the job change thing that is has become my major focus for the last couple weeks.  I identified this issue a few days ago but I realized through this period, I still do have my art:  this blog!  "Always Rhonda Marie" is the only consistent way that I can express my creativity.  I designed it ( I spent forever deciding on fonts), write the posts, edit the videos(just learned Sunday) and meticulously select the photos.  It is so therapeutic for me emotionally and artistically.  I have creative control...and I love it.  Or so I  thought...

(insert dramatic soap opera cliff-hanger music.)

I want to thank everyone who has read this blog.  It means the world to have the support, and to feel like I can express myself this way.  It's pretty revealing to write a blog, especially this one since it is so personal.   My last post "Authenticity-the theme for 2014" was a very big step for me.  I consider myself an "openly private" person:  when comfortable I can share quite a bit, but there is a WHOLE LOT that will hardly ever be spoken to anyone. (Those who know me well can attest to this.) It was huge for me to say many of those things out loud, and posting a video about it was even bigger. I am  pretty controlling when it  comes to my online presence.  I am very specific about what I post on all social media networks, and am a big fan of untagging and timeline hiding. Even this blog, I only (for now) share it with a few people. 

With that said, it was so freeing to create the last post.  I didn't really care if anyone liked it or not, or if anyone "got it." I just needed to say that stuff, and I did.  It felt damn good.

Then somebody posted my video on facebook. My stomach dropped.  I thought..."I didn't mean for the world to see it...just my family and friends and stuff....wait!"

Then a voice inside said:

"What a minute Rhonda?"  "What's wrong with that?"  "I thought you were all about being authentic,"  "You said it 25 times in that video."  "Be you." "Love you." "Right?"

Yep.  I was confronted with my own words.  First I thought..."I should tell the person to take it down." * Then I said..."naw just leave it.  Forget who sees it.  Who cares?"  So I didn't say anything.

( *For the record, "person who posted it"  I don't want you to take it down, I'm not mad, and you did nothing wrong, I'll explain soon*)

 I shared this with my husband and he "got me together" (hey this marriage thing, it aint too bad;) Thank you husband.)

He reminded me of a quote my Bigsistermentor Erykah Badu said (one day I'll post about when I "met" her ):

"Once you create something, it's no longer yours."

Dang.

It's true.  That's how art works.  When you put things out into the public you can't control what happens next. Who sees it. Who appreciates it. Who hates it. Who loves it.  Who needs it. Who doesn't care about it. 

Then I thought...that's amazing!  That's the wonderful POWER of art. It spreads, it evolves and it has a life of it's own.

When a director directs a play, his or her job is done opening night.  The play becomes a living breathing thing that often is a completely different piece of work by closing night. It may have not ever turned out to be the story he/she intended to tell.  But the reviewers and audiences may love it anyway.

When a painters paint pictures and showcase the work in a gallery exhibition,  they don't run in after the show and add some more periwinkle ( I just like saying periwinkle) to the ocean scene. But the teal colors in it may have created a the perfect color blend to add to a picture in a new home.

A singer doesn't get to re-do a live performance (although some of them wish they could;) But that song with a few bad notes could have brought tears and healing to someone.

You never know.  As artists, our jobs are just to create. Make art, and make more art.  So that's what I'm going to do.

Rhonda Marie

Authenticity: The theme for 2014

Happy New Year everyone!  My first entry for the new year is in video form.  In 2014, my biggest goal is to be more authentic and true to me. Check it out:
Rhonda Marie

"Things I'm 'Here' For" Part 1

HELLO!  It's the middle of December and I am so excited to end this year on a good note and start the new year on a spectacular one!

 Although this entire year has been transformative, the  last quarter of the year has been truly inspiring and life changing for me.

 In the last three months I...

• performed in my first play in New York City
• have begun to  develop a support system that includes lots of amazing folks
•  started this blog
• started seeing clients independently as a speech therapist
• took a hosting  and interviewing class and am preparing to pitch a show idea (stay tuned!)

During this time, I've come across a few very inspiring things that have contributed to my re-awakening.  Since this time of year is often full of giving, I decided to share the things "I'm Here For," meaning things I support, promote, and celebrate.  The list (in no particular order) is as follows:

1) JENIFER LEWIS
Ms. Jenifer Lewis has always been one of my favorite actors.  She has always been consistently stellar in her performances, and is a role model for longevity in the industry.  Her speech at the screening for the movie "Baggage Claim" was widely shared back in September.  When I watched it, she "got me together," and inspired me to get back to my craft.  I have watched this at least 10 times, and it never gets old.  Check out her advice to aspiring actors HERE:
(BTW, did you know she had bipolar disorder? Check out her inspring and intriguing interview with Oprah HERE.)

2) BRENE BROWN
If you don't know about Dr. Brene Brown, you need to look her up right now. She is a qualitative researcher that studies shame, vulnerability, perfectionism, and authenticity in all people, but mainly women.  She breaks down how shame and fear of imperfection can be huge barriers to living authentic and happy lives.  When I first started her book "I thought It was just me, (but it isn't)," I had no idea that so much of what was in her book hit so close to home for me.  According to Brene, everyone experiences shame, and realizing how to cope with it can allow us to have more resilient lives.  Through reading this book I've learned that we have to explore those uncomfortable places in our lives to heal and get to the next stage of our greatness. Check her TED talk out HERE.  Thanks to my friend Joy, I am part of a fabulous book club that is currently reading "I thought it was just me."  Check Joy's blog, "Joy in the City" out HERE.

3) THERAPY
Real talk, I've been  going to therapy on and off since 19.  I am an advocate of mental health and a huge proponent of therapy.  I recently started  going again, and I must say it has been essential and sorting through a lot of the noise in my mind.  If you haven't already, and you feel like you want to talk to someone, go to therapy.  You don't have to have a mental illness, be in a dark place, or have "issues" to go.  If anything, it's great to just share things with someone objective. Most insurance plans cover it, many churches and other houses of worship have it for free or suggested donation, and private therapists often have sliding scales.


4)WORKING OUT

This is not me.

Although I have an inconsistent workout schedule, every time I go, I get some life.  Those endorphins are so wonderful for boosting my mood and relaxing me at the same time. I have to make myself go most days, but when I do, I'm always glad I did.
Get you some.

5) BEYONCE

So, anyone who knows me, knows I'm a huge Beyonce fan.  I'm a STAN. I've been a die hard supporter since I was in high school when "No No No" came out. I am currently conspiring to find a way into this concert at the Barclays on Thursday.  I could not write this post without discussing Bey.  If you don't like Beyonce, I forgive you. Kind of. But you may want to scroll down to the end of the post at this point:)

I have been in a BEY trance since I woke up Friday morning and saw she released her album. I was late for work downloading it.  I have listened to it everyday, for the majority of each day, since then. I'm listening to it now.  I am not at a place to eloquently articulate my adoration for this album. Or my admiration of her choice to release it with no promotion, no announcement, nothing.  Or my awe at her evolution. Or my inspiration to get my body snatched up after seeing her body in all of these videos.

I'm still a bit in shock and glee.  I'll just have to dedicate a whole post to her. In short, this album is definitely getting me through the rest of the year.

5) SUPPORTIVE FAMILY AND FRIENDS
Everyone I've talked to about my journey, including my parents, husband, and friends (including all of you) has been extremely supportive.  It means so much to me to know that I have people on my side as I take some scary steps to the next phase of my life.  I am truly blessed and eternally grateful. Thank you.

I'm "HERE" for so many other things, but since it's close to midnight, I'll wrap up for now.

Goodnight:)
Rhonda Marie

VLOG: Procrastination and Distraction

Hey guys! Today, I had so much swirling in my head and I couldn't express it through writing. So I did a video!

P.S.  I ended up watching Braxton Family Values while working...a nice compromise for myself.


Rhonda Marie

Keep it moving

This was a great idea I had at work.

I'm full of ideas.  All the time.  In fact, some days I can't even sleep for thinking of all sorts of exciting possibilities.  I LOVE to start new projects. At any given time, in my head, I could have about 5-10 projects in the works. (Apparently I'm 81% right brained, so there you go!)



I HATE not finishing what I start.  The most upsetting  thing to me is not that I did not finish, but the fact that I got so excited in the first place.

Over the years, I've realized that everything takes time.  A great idea is not a bad idea if does not come to fruition right away.  The lesson is to keep working.

When I had my epiphany last month about re-igniting my acting career, I devised a plan to quit  my job by a set date and get a certain amount of private clients by another date in order to make enough money to have flexibility to pursue my career while still maintaining my lifestyle financially.  In order to achieve those goals, I registered with two different early intervention companies to obtain home based clients,  completed an inhumane amount of paperwork, record gathering( I waited 2.5 hours for medical records, name changing, approval lettering (NYC is ridiculous with paperwork), and looked into some other private companies for work.  What I thought would be a very easy process and my ticket out of full time work turned out to be wrought with obstacles.  Right now it is looking like my "deadlines" are not going to be met.

I was starting to feel discouraged because I feel like the longer I stay at my job,  the longer I'll feel guilt about leaving, and I'll eventually end up staying.  This is a common pattern: I'll make a plan, then feel like I have to "do-it-now" or else it won't happen.  I've recently realized that this not the way to approach change.  I can allow myself to be disappointed, but not to the point where I stop the work.  The idea that "anything is possible" does not mean "everything is easy."  I have to keep working, even if I get annoyed with minor setbacks, and simply revise my plans instead of canceling them.


I figured this out as I typed it, hehe.  Then I got another idea...how about if I got encouraged  by reminding myself what I have done thus far:
1) Hired by two different early intervention companies to pursue part time work.
2) Started taking an on-camera hosting and interviewing class (more about that in another post)
3) Gathered all on-camera clips to prepare a demo reel.
4) Changed my headshot to reflect my married name (look for that story in the next post also)
5) Connected with people in the "industry" for the possibility of future projects.

Not bad for a month, and I've got a whole lot more to do. No need to be down, I simply have to keep it moving.
Rhonda Marie