Tuesday, December 1, 2015
I'm back!
Hey Everybody! After almost a two-year hiatus: I'm back to blogging! So much "life" has happened since we last connected and I want to share it with you. I was inspired to get back to blogging after revisiting my January 2014 post on authenticity. I'll do a longer written post soon, but here's a video response to that post. I'm once again speaking about authenticity, and also giving you a sneak peek of where I am today. Looking forward to catching up with all of you!!
-Rhonda Marie
Friday, April 25, 2014
Back to the Basics
It has been three long months since my last full post. Since I have quite a bit to cover, I'm dividing this post into three parts: THE BEFORE, THE AFTER, and THE LESSONS. I have lots to say, so please
bear with this long post, as the most important part is at the very end.
THE BEFORE: January-March
In January, I had so many plans for this year. I was going to:
At the end of January, after lots of affirmations and planning, I resigned from my job! Within days, I was already generating my next source of income to support my creative endeavors. I’m going to repeat that: I was generating my next source of income to support my creative endeavors. Remember this statement, we’ll revisit it later. I was hired by three Early Intervention agencies and had started to accept home clients. The plan was to see home clients as temporary income until I started private practice. I also had two possible private clients, selected a location for my private practice, and signed up for two intense training workshops to expand my skill set and make me more marketable as a private therapist. The goalwas is to become independent completely, as a speech therapist, artist, and everything in between.
The week after I submitted my 30 day resignation, I started training for the Brooklyn Half Marathon, one of the most popular marathons in the country. It wasn’t easy to start training in the middle of winter, but once I set my mind to something I am passionately determined (read hardheaded) and focused. My first three mile run was a a little scary and intimidating. I spent the first 15 minutes asking myself “why did I do this?” “It’s so cold…this is
stupid… why do I always have to have a challenge???” But after the first 15 minutes, I was elevated to a calm, tranquil space. Running through downtown Brooklyn, a typically bustling area was eerily peaceful to run through at six in the morning. I experienced such a beautiful feeling and just wanted more and more. It was like a moving meditation—so perfect for a busy body like me. Where had running been all my life?
I trained diligently to prepare for my first race, a 5K on March 1st. Once again it was freezing, but I finished with pretty good time, and was so happy I accomplished my first running goal. Two weeks later I did a 10K and smiled as a crossed the finish line with Beyonce’s “Grown Woman” blasting in my earphones. It was LIFE! Although still a bit intimidated by the 13.1 mile half marathon, I knew I had become a RUNNER—or better yet an ATHLETE…something I never felt I would say in my life. Rhonda that was last picked for kick ball (25 years later it still hurts), Rhonda that tripped over everything (and still do) and Rhonda that once huffed and puffed up steps at 200lbs…is an ATHLETE! Wow. Regardless of where I placed in a race, running was something special I discovered that I would always have.
In the month of February I was able to “audition” for two commercial agents, and I had selected a makeup artist to do my makeup for new headshots. I planned to get my head shots done so I could start fully auditioning again. I couldn’t wait to reignite my acting career under my married name. I was just waiting until after my last day of work to get it all started.
The AFTER: March-Present
So remember that statement?
“I was preparing for my next source of income to support my creative endeavors.”
Although I was very confident in my decision to resign from my full time job, I was not so confident about losing steady income and benefits. Worrying about money resulted in me taking on many home clients…TOO MANY to be exact. The fear of not having enough income and my lack of deep knowledge in Brooklyn neighborhoods left me scrambling like a New York subway rat. I was often late, lost, and stressed. Also, I was completely drained by the time I came home. I kept telling myself that “next week it’ll get better, I just have to get my schedule straight…it takes time…blah blah blah.”
In late March, my runs started to get longer, and more gratifying. In the first week of April, I felt a stiffness and dull pain in the back of my leg with accompanying hip pain. So I took a break from running for a few days and iced it. The next Saturday, I ran the longest I had run thus far: eight miles. I felt like Superwoman.Then last Wednesday, I felt a terrible pain in my lower back.
I thought it would go away in a day or two. I took a break from running for three days, but the pain was consistent. I finally decided to go to the doctor on Saturday, with the hope that the doctor would say I was just fine, and I would be able to make my nine-mile long run still that day. During my examination, I learned that my back was not sore, but inflamed and ultimately injured, likely due to training on concrete. Apparently, running was slowly injuring not only my back, but my hips and knees as well—not to mention my archless feet. I was advised to stop running, ice my back for hours upon hours, and ultimately, pull out of the Brooklyn Half Marathon.
Running was only thing I had left to look forward to after all of my other plans seemed to fall apart. Begrudgingly, I decided to take the doctor’s orders and stop my training. Naturally, Iwas am crushed. I had just discovered this amazing gift of running, and it was taken away from me in one week. Devastated by the news, I began my typical depression routine: emotionally eating, watching mind numbing television, and trying to sleep as much as possible.
THE LESSONS: The present
There is a lesson in everything. In the last four months, things have turned out almost completely opposite of my expectations. Yet, I’ve now discovered that this is one of the greatest gifts:
1) I now realize more than ever that no matter how much you plan, whatever is meant to happen will happen. If it’s not meant to happen it will not. That does not mean I should not plan, but I must remember that there is only so much I have can control. It’s simple.
2) It’s good to set goals, and aspire to great things. But if I am tired and stressed all the time, what is the point? I have to love myself enough to not overwhelm myself.
I had so much on my plate and set super high expectations. I left very little room for error and didn’t give myself enough figure it out time. I felt so drained because everything had to happen RIGHT NOW. I now realize more than ever that life simply doesn't work that way.
3) I have to take care of problems before they become emergencies. Even though my back injury was discovered last week, it was truly the straw that broke the camel’s back…literally. Being a novice runner, I probably didn’t warm up enough, stretch enough, and ignored signs of pain in my knees and hips thinking it was just soreness. I didn’t listen to my body, and let my determination trump truly taking care of myself. I had heard running on concrete was bad but didn’t realize it could possibly cause long term damage to my body. I learned a hard lesson. Now, I have biweekly appointments at the chiropractor and am praying my knees (yep they are hurting too) and back get better so I can just go back to the gym and do my regular workouts.
For all of these reasons, I am now going back to the basics:
I’m just keeping in simple.
Rhonda Marie
THE BEFORE: January-March
In January, I had so many plans for this year. I was going to:
- Quit my full time job at the NYC DOE to create more flexible schedule for creativity and specifically acting.
- Start working as a home based Early Intervention speech therapist
- Start a private practice as a speech therapist
- Re-Ignite my acting career and obtain representation
- Train and Run a 5k, two 10K’s and half marathon
At the end of January, after lots of affirmations and planning, I resigned from my job! Within days, I was already generating my next source of income to support my creative endeavors. I’m going to repeat that: I was generating my next source of income to support my creative endeavors. Remember this statement, we’ll revisit it later. I was hired by three Early Intervention agencies and had started to accept home clients. The plan was to see home clients as temporary income until I started private practice. I also had two possible private clients, selected a location for my private practice, and signed up for two intense training workshops to expand my skill set and make me more marketable as a private therapist. The goal
The week after I submitted my 30 day resignation, I started training for the Brooklyn Half Marathon, one of the most popular marathons in the country. It wasn’t easy to start training in the middle of winter, but once I set my mind to something I am passionately determined (read hardheaded) and focused. My first three mile run was a a little scary and intimidating. I spent the first 15 minutes asking myself “why did I do this?” “It’s so cold…this is
stupid… why do I always have to have a challenge???” But after the first 15 minutes, I was elevated to a calm, tranquil space. Running through downtown Brooklyn, a typically bustling area was eerily peaceful to run through at six in the morning. I experienced such a beautiful feeling and just wanted more and more. It was like a moving meditation—so perfect for a busy body like me. Where had running been all my life? I trained diligently to prepare for my first race, a 5K on March 1st. Once again it was freezing, but I finished with pretty good time, and was so happy I accomplished my first running goal. Two weeks later I did a 10K and smiled as a crossed the finish line with Beyonce’s “Grown Woman” blasting in my earphones. It was LIFE! Although still a bit intimidated by the 13.1 mile half marathon, I knew I had become a RUNNER—or better yet an ATHLETE…something I never felt I would say in my life. Rhonda that was last picked for kick ball (25 years later it still hurts), Rhonda that tripped over everything (and still do) and Rhonda that once huffed and puffed up steps at 200lbs…is an ATHLETE! Wow. Regardless of where I placed in a race, running was something special I discovered that I would always have.The AFTER: March-Present
So remember that statement?
“I was preparing for my next source of income to support my creative endeavors.”
Although I was very confident in my decision to resign from my full time job, I was not so confident about losing steady income and benefits. Worrying about money resulted in me taking on many home clients…TOO MANY to be exact. The fear of not having enough income and my lack of deep knowledge in Brooklyn neighborhoods left me scrambling like a New York subway rat. I was often late, lost, and stressed. Also, I was completely drained by the time I came home. I kept telling myself that “next week it’ll get better, I just have to get my schedule straight…it takes time…blah blah blah.”
By the end of March, I felt like a tired zombie. There was no time, energy, or motivation to pursue any type of creative endeavor. I looked forward to three things…eating, watching TV, and sleeping.
I thought to myself, "this is exactly what I would look forward to I was working full time---how did I get here"?
I thought to myself, "this is exactly what I would look forward to I was working full time---how did I get here"?
Amidst all of this, I still tried to maintain running schedule, despite getting sick twice and having to miss a few days. I felt like my body was responding to my life. No matter what, I always made sure I did my long runs on Saturday—the best part of my running week. I love the long runs because I really get to feel that “runners high” and challenge myself to go beyond my limitations. I would always reward myself by seeing something beautiful in Brooklyn on the way. Even when I traveled to California for a week, I was able to throw in my long run through Palo Alto. I was imagining myself as one of those runners who race in every city in the world. Maybe that would be me one day?
In late March, my runs started to get longer, and more gratifying. In the first week of April, I felt a stiffness and dull pain in the back of my leg with accompanying hip pain. So I took a break from running for a few days and iced it. The next Saturday, I ran the longest I had run thus far: eight miles. I felt like Superwoman.Then last Wednesday, I felt a terrible pain in my lower back.
I thought it would go away in a day or two. I took a break from running for three days, but the pain was consistent. I finally decided to go to the doctor on Saturday, with the hope that the doctor would say I was just fine, and I would be able to make my nine-mile long run still that day. During my examination, I learned that my back was not sore, but inflamed and ultimately injured, likely due to training on concrete. Apparently, running was slowly injuring not only my back, but my hips and knees as well—not to mention my archless feet. I was advised to stop running, ice my back for hours upon hours, and ultimately, pull out of the Brooklyn Half Marathon.
Running was only thing I had left to look forward to after all of my other plans seemed to fall apart. Begrudgingly, I decided to take the doctor’s orders and stop my training. Naturally, I
THE LESSONS: The present
There is a lesson in everything. In the last four months, things have turned out almost completely opposite of my expectations. Yet, I’ve now discovered that this is one of the greatest gifts:
1) I now realize more than ever that no matter how much you plan, whatever is meant to happen will happen. If it’s not meant to happen it will not. That does not mean I should not plan, but I must remember that there is only so much I have can control. It’s simple.
2) It’s good to set goals, and aspire to great things. But if I am tired and stressed all the time, what is the point? I have to love myself enough to not overwhelm myself.
I had so much on my plate and set super high expectations. I left very little room for error and didn’t give myself enough figure it out time. I felt so drained because everything had to happen RIGHT NOW. I now realize more than ever that life simply doesn't work that way.
3) I have to take care of problems before they become emergencies. Even though my back injury was discovered last week, it was truly the straw that broke the camel’s back…literally. Being a novice runner, I probably didn’t warm up enough, stretch enough, and ignored signs of pain in my knees and hips thinking it was just soreness. I didn’t listen to my body, and let my determination trump truly taking care of myself. I had heard running on concrete was bad but didn’t realize it could possibly cause long term damage to my body. I learned a hard lesson. Now, I have biweekly appointments at the chiropractor and am praying my knees (yep they are hurting too) and back get better so I can just go back to the gym and do my regular workouts.
For all of these reasons, I am now going back to the basics:
- I’m doing more self care, what makes me feel good, and doing things that align with my values.
- I’m reviewing my aspirations to determine what I really want and what is driving me to a specific goal…is it ego based? Does this align with my values and the lifestyle I want to have?
- I’m viewing work as an opportunity to help children and families and not just “a source of income to support my creative endeavors.”
- Most importantly, I’m focusing on just being better in my most important roles: wife, daughter, and friend.
I’m just keeping in simple.
Rhonda Marie
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Re-calibration of Rhonda Marie
Hi all! I had this awesome vlog that I just finished editing. It took a while to edit it and now it just got deleted. All of it.
Sometimes this stuff happens, but I'm pretty disappointed. It was going to be a good one.
I have a lot of exciting new updates and thoughts about life. But in this very moment I'm extremely pissed that I accidently deleted the video.
My husband, an acclaimed film editor (wink) said that this is something that happens to everyone. That makes me feel a little better, but not enough to redo the entire vlog.
So when I'm done pouting, I will update you guys on everything that's gone on with me in the past month. For now, I'll be authentic and pissed.
Rhonda Marie
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
The Journey to Authenticity: 6 things I figured out today
Hello all!
I have so much planned for this year already, and I'm overflowing with excitement about it. I feel driven, determined, and eager to accomplish all of the things I set out to do.
I also find myself dealing with fear and doubt about it at least once a day. On Monday, I proactively wrote a list called "Manifestation Manifesto," which includes all of the things I plan to do that start this year, specifically within the next six months. Reading it aloud and looking at it daily, I am affirming these things and putting them out into the universe. It felt so good to do that, so empowering.
The next day I was feeling fear and doubt again.
Then I decided I wasn't going to be overwhelmed with those feelings.
So, after a few inspirational podcasts ;) , I figured out these 6 things:
1) Fear is inevitable, you have to face it and dance with it
Fear will always be there. Even when it seems to have gone, it will show up for a visit. If you try to run from your fears, they become stronger. The goal is to face them or rather "dance" with them. Check out Tony Robbins demonstrating this dance:
Most of the time, the worst case scenario is never as bad as you think it will be.
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning how to dance in the rain."
-Tony Robbins
The perfect and safe scenario may NEVER exist for you. So you've got to get wet!
2) Keep Going
I oven lose motivation and momentum when I figure out that things have gotten to hard. Sometimes, more often than I would like to admit, I just quit (for instance, I'm struggling to stay focused and write this post, and I'm sleepy. I almost quit just now.) I've learned that most things worth having take work (look for a post on weight loss soon) and there are no quick fixes. You have to work even when it's the hardest and least desirable, and usually that's when the "magic" happens...things start to "look up" and opportunities start to flow in. But you can't experience it if you are not working and putting the energy out there to receive it. So keep pushing!
3) Keep people around you who inspire you and will keep you motivated
Many people will express general support when you are working towards a goal. Heard the phrases "As long as you're happy." or "I support you whatever you decide"? Those are really kind words of encouragement, but when you are in the thick of it, it's most important to keep those around you who can nurture your ideas, keep you motivated, and who will most importantly, hold you accountable. As I've stated before in my post " Keep it Moving," I have a million ideas buzzing in my head at any given time. If I didn't have people to talk through those things with and follow up with me, I would likely shut down and give up. I've learned it's important reach out and ask for what you need. Sometimes you have to create your inspiration/accountability circle, and it could start with something as simple as calling a friend and sharing a new idea.
4)Have faith and affirm
Prayer, meditation, fasting, and anything else you may do to get grounded is incredibly helpful. You have to believe you can do these things.
Affirmations are awesome. Even though I often forget to recite them, and sometimes feel really cheezy when I do, they work WONDERS. I'm a strong believer in the manifestation of thought and things spoken. I can think of at least five instances of thoughts I've had that have come true. Visualize and affirm. This is also awesome for self esteem.
5) Know that you are worthy and capable of greatness
I could say a lot about this topic, but this classic Marianne Williamson (requoted by Nelson Mandela) quote describes it way better:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.
I have so much planned for this year already, and I'm overflowing with excitement about it. I feel driven, determined, and eager to accomplish all of the things I set out to do.
I also find myself dealing with fear and doubt about it at least once a day. On Monday, I proactively wrote a list called "Manifestation Manifesto," which includes all of the things I plan to do that start this year, specifically within the next six months. Reading it aloud and looking at it daily, I am affirming these things and putting them out into the universe. It felt so good to do that, so empowering.
The next day I was feeling fear and doubt again.
Then I decided I wasn't going to be overwhelmed with those feelings.
So, after a few inspirational podcasts ;) , I figured out these 6 things:
1) Fear is inevitable, you have to face it and dance with it
Fear will always be there. Even when it seems to have gone, it will show up for a visit. If you try to run from your fears, they become stronger. The goal is to face them or rather "dance" with them. Check out Tony Robbins demonstrating this dance:
Most of the time, the worst case scenario is never as bad as you think it will be.
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning how to dance in the rain."
-Tony Robbins
The perfect and safe scenario may NEVER exist for you. So you've got to get wet!
2) Keep Going
I oven lose motivation and momentum when I figure out that things have gotten to hard. Sometimes, more often than I would like to admit, I just quit (for instance, I'm struggling to stay focused and write this post, and I'm sleepy. I almost quit just now.) I've learned that most things worth having take work (look for a post on weight loss soon) and there are no quick fixes. You have to work even when it's the hardest and least desirable, and usually that's when the "magic" happens...things start to "look up" and opportunities start to flow in. But you can't experience it if you are not working and putting the energy out there to receive it. So keep pushing!
3) Keep people around you who inspire you and will keep you motivated
Many people will express general support when you are working towards a goal. Heard the phrases "As long as you're happy." or "I support you whatever you decide"? Those are really kind words of encouragement, but when you are in the thick of it, it's most important to keep those around you who can nurture your ideas, keep you motivated, and who will most importantly, hold you accountable. As I've stated before in my post " Keep it Moving," I have a million ideas buzzing in my head at any given time. If I didn't have people to talk through those things with and follow up with me, I would likely shut down and give up. I've learned it's important reach out and ask for what you need. Sometimes you have to create your inspiration/accountability circle, and it could start with something as simple as calling a friend and sharing a new idea.
4)Have faith and affirm
Prayer, meditation, fasting, and anything else you may do to get grounded is incredibly helpful. You have to believe you can do these things.
Affirmations are awesome. Even though I often forget to recite them, and sometimes feel really cheezy when I do, they work WONDERS. I'm a strong believer in the manifestation of thought and things spoken. I can think of at least five instances of thoughts I've had that have come true. Visualize and affirm. This is also awesome for self esteem.
5) Know that you are worthy and capable of greatness
I could say a lot about this topic, but this classic Marianne Williamson (requoted by Nelson Mandela) quote describes it way better:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.
We ask ourselves
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small
Does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won't feel insecure around you.
Does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We
are all meant to shine,
As children do.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us.
As children do.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us;
It's in everyone.
It's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we're liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others."
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we're liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others."
I've known about this quote for over 10 years now, and it's always on point. We should not dare ever think that we are not worthy of brilliance.
6) I just realized this whole post is an affirmation. I will be reading it often.
Take wings and fly.
Rhonda Marie
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Controlling your Art
What! Two posts in one week! I'm on fire!
No, I'm actually really tired.
Lately I've been extremely busy with all of the transitioning I've been doing. In preparation of creating this flexible employment experience to allow space for me to pursue acting and other endavors (breath), I haven't had very much time to create. I have been so busy working on the job change thing that is has become my major focus for the last couple weeks. I identified this issue a few days ago but I realized through this period, I still do have my art: this blog! "Always Rhonda Marie" is the only consistent way that I can express my creativity. I designed it ( I spent forever deciding on fonts), write the posts, edit the videos(just learned Sunday) and meticulously select the photos. It is so therapeutic for me emotionally and artistically. I have creative control...and I love it. Or so I thought...
I want to thank everyone who has read this blog. It means the world to have the support, and to feel like I can express myself this way. It's pretty revealing to write a blog, especially this one since it is so personal. My last post "Authenticity-the theme for 2014" was a very big step for me. I consider myself an "openly private" person: when comfortable I can share quite a bit, but there is a WHOLE LOT that will hardly ever be spoken to anyone. (Those who know me well can attest to this.) It was huge for me to say many of those things out loud, and posting a video about it was even bigger. I am pretty controlling when it comes to my online presence. I am very specific about what I post on all social media networks, and am a big fan of untagging and timeline hiding. Even this blog, I only (for now) share it with a few people.
With that said, it was so freeing to create the last post. I didn't really care if anyone liked it or not, or if anyone "got it." I just needed to say that stuff, and I did. It felt damn good.
Then somebody posted my video on facebook. My stomach dropped. I thought..."I didn't mean for the world to see it...just my family and friends and stuff....wait!"
Then a voice inside said:
"What a minute Rhonda?" "What's wrong with that?" "I thought you were all about being authentic," "You said it 25 times in that video." "Be you." "Love you." "Right?"
Yep. I was confronted with my own words. First I thought..."I should tell the person to take it down." * Then I said..."naw just leave it. Forget who sees it. Who cares?" So I didn't say anything.
( *For the record, "person who posted it" I don't want you to take it down, I'm not mad, and you did nothing wrong, I'll explain soon*)
I shared this with my husband and he "got me together" (hey this marriage thing, it aint too bad;) Thank you husband.)
He reminded me of a quote my Bigsistermentor Erykah Badu said (one day I'll post about when I "met" her ):
"Once you create something, it's no longer yours."
Dang.
It's true. That's how art works. When you put things out into the public you can't control what happens next. Who sees it. Who appreciates it. Who hates it. Who loves it. Who needs it. Who doesn't care about it.
Then I thought...that's amazing! That's the wonderful POWER of art. It spreads, it evolves and it has a life of it's own.
When a director directs a play, his or her job is done opening night. The play becomes a living breathing thing that often is a completely different piece of work by closing night. It may have not ever turned out to be the story he/she intended to tell. But the reviewers and audiences may love it anyway.
When a painters paint pictures and showcase the work in a gallery exhibition, they don't run in after the show and add some more periwinkle ( I just like saying periwinkle) to the ocean scene. But the teal colors in it may have created a the perfect color blend to add to a picture in a new home.
A singer doesn't get to re-do a live performance (although some of them wish they could;) But that song with a few bad notes could have brought tears and healing to someone.
You never know. As artists, our jobs are just to create. Make art, and make more art. So that's what I'm going to do.
Rhonda Marie
No, I'm actually really tired.
Lately I've been extremely busy with all of the transitioning I've been doing. In preparation of creating this flexible employment experience to allow space for me to pursue acting and other endavors (breath), I haven't had very much time to create. I have been so busy working on the job change thing that is has become my major focus for the last couple weeks. I identified this issue a few days ago but I realized through this period, I still do have my art: this blog! "Always Rhonda Marie" is the only consistent way that I can express my creativity. I designed it ( I spent forever deciding on fonts), write the posts, edit the videos(just learned Sunday) and meticulously select the photos. It is so therapeutic for me emotionally and artistically. I have creative control...and I love it. Or so I thought...
(insert dramatic soap opera cliff-hanger music.)
I want to thank everyone who has read this blog. It means the world to have the support, and to feel like I can express myself this way. It's pretty revealing to write a blog, especially this one since it is so personal. My last post "Authenticity-the theme for 2014" was a very big step for me. I consider myself an "openly private" person: when comfortable I can share quite a bit, but there is a WHOLE LOT that will hardly ever be spoken to anyone. (Those who know me well can attest to this.) It was huge for me to say many of those things out loud, and posting a video about it was even bigger. I am pretty controlling when it comes to my online presence. I am very specific about what I post on all social media networks, and am a big fan of untagging and timeline hiding. Even this blog, I only (for now) share it with a few people.
With that said, it was so freeing to create the last post. I didn't really care if anyone liked it or not, or if anyone "got it." I just needed to say that stuff, and I did. It felt damn good.
Then somebody posted my video on facebook. My stomach dropped. I thought..."I didn't mean for the world to see it...just my family and friends and stuff....wait!"
Then a voice inside said:
"What a minute Rhonda?" "What's wrong with that?" "I thought you were all about being authentic," "You said it 25 times in that video." "Be you." "Love you." "Right?"
Yep. I was confronted with my own words. First I thought..."I should tell the person to take it down." * Then I said..."naw just leave it. Forget who sees it. Who cares?" So I didn't say anything.
( *For the record, "person who posted it" I don't want you to take it down, I'm not mad, and you did nothing wrong, I'll explain soon*)
I shared this with my husband and he "got me together" (hey this marriage thing, it aint too bad;) Thank you husband.)
He reminded me of a quote my Bigsistermentor Erykah Badu said (one day I'll post about when I "met" her ):
"Once you create something, it's no longer yours."
Dang.
Then I thought...that's amazing! That's the wonderful POWER of art. It spreads, it evolves and it has a life of it's own.
When a director directs a play, his or her job is done opening night. The play becomes a living breathing thing that often is a completely different piece of work by closing night. It may have not ever turned out to be the story he/she intended to tell. But the reviewers and audiences may love it anyway.
When a painters paint pictures and showcase the work in a gallery exhibition, they don't run in after the show and add some more periwinkle ( I just like saying periwinkle) to the ocean scene. But the teal colors in it may have created a the perfect color blend to add to a picture in a new home.
A singer doesn't get to re-do a live performance (although some of them wish they could;) But that song with a few bad notes could have brought tears and healing to someone.
You never know. As artists, our jobs are just to create. Make art, and make more art. So that's what I'm going to do.
Rhonda Marie
Sunday, January 5, 2014
Authenticity: The theme for 2014
Rhonda Marie
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
"Things I'm 'Here' For" Part 1
HELLO! It's the middle of December and I am so excited to end this year on a good note and start the new year on a spectacular one!
Although this entire year has been transformative, the last quarter of the year has been truly inspiring and life changing for me.
In the last three months I...
- performed in my first play in New York City
- have begun to develop a support system that includes lots of amazing folks
- started this blog
- started seeing clients independently as a speech therapist
- took a hosting and interviewing class and am preparing to pitch a show idea (stay tuned!)
1) JENIFER LEWISMs. Jenifer Lewis has always been one of my favorite actors. She has always been consistently stellar in her performances, and is a role model for longevity in the industry. Her speech at the screening for the movie "Baggage Claim" was widely shared back in September. When I watched it, she "got me together," and inspired me to get back to my craft. I have watched this at least 10 times, and it never gets old. Check out her advice to aspiring actors HERE:
(BTW, did you know she had bipolar disorder? Check out her inspring and intriguing interview with Oprah HERE.)
2) BRENE BROWN
If you don't know about Dr. Brene Brown, you need to look her up right
now. She is a qualitative researcher that studies shame, vulnerability,
perfectionism, and authenticity in all people, but mainly women. She
breaks down how shame and fear of imperfection can be huge barriers to
living authentic and happy lives. When I first started her book "I thought It was just me, (but it isn't)," I had no idea that so much of
what was in her book hit so close to home for me. According to Brene, everyone experiences shame, and realizing how to cope with it can allow us to have more resilient lives. Through reading this book I've learned that we have
to explore those uncomfortable places in our lives to heal and get to
the next stage of our greatness. Check her TED talk out HERE.
Thanks to my friend Joy, I am part of a fabulous book club that is
currently reading "I thought it was just me." Check Joy's blog, "Joy in
the City" out HERE.
3) THERAPYReal talk, I've been going to therapy on and off since 19. I am an advocate of mental health and a huge proponent of therapy. I recently started going again, and I must say it has been essential and sorting through a lot of the noise in my mind. If you haven't already, and you feel like you want to talk to someone, go to therapy. You don't have to have a mental illness, be in a dark place, or have "issues" to go. If anything, it's great to just share things with someone objective. Most insurance plans cover it, many churches and other houses of worship have it for free or suggested donation, and private therapists often have sliding scales.
4)WORKING OUT
 |
| This is not me. |
Get you some.
5) BEYONCE
I have been in a BEY trance since I woke up Friday morning and saw she released her album. I was late for work downloading it. I have listened to it everyday, for the majority of each day, since then. I'm listening to it now. I am not at a place to eloquently articulate my adoration for this album. Or my admiration of her choice to release it with no promotion, no announcement, nothing. Or my awe at her evolution. Or my inspiration to get my body snatched up after seeing her body in all of these videos.
I'm still a bit in shock and glee. I'll just have to dedicate a whole post to her. In short, this album is definitely getting me through the rest of the year.
5) SUPPORTIVE FAMILY AND FRIENDS
Everyone I've talked to about my journey, including my parents, husband, and friends (including all of you) has been extremely supportive. It means so much to me to know that I have people on my side as I take some scary steps to the next phase of my life. I am truly blessed and eternally grateful. Thank you.
I'm "HERE" for so many other things, but since it's close to midnight, I'll wrap up for now.
Goodnight:)
Rhonda Marie
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