Controlling your Art

What!  Two posts in one week!  I'm on fire!

No, I'm actually really tired.

Lately I've been extremely busy with all of the transitioning I've been doing.  In preparation of creating this flexible employment experience to allow space for me to pursue acting and other endavors (breath), I haven't had very much time to create.  I have been so busy working on the job change thing that is has become my major focus for the last couple weeks.  I identified this issue a few days ago but I realized through this period, I still do have my art:  this blog!  "Always Rhonda Marie" is the only consistent way that I can express my creativity.  I designed it ( I spent forever deciding on fonts), write the posts, edit the videos(just learned Sunday) and meticulously select the photos.  It is so therapeutic for me emotionally and artistically.  I have creative control...and I love it.  Or so I  thought...

(insert dramatic soap opera cliff-hanger music.)

I want to thank everyone who has read this blog.  It means the world to have the support, and to feel like I can express myself this way.  It's pretty revealing to write a blog, especially this one since it is so personal.   My last post "Authenticity-the theme for 2014" was a very big step for me.  I consider myself an "openly private" person:  when comfortable I can share quite a bit, but there is a WHOLE LOT that will hardly ever be spoken to anyone. (Those who know me well can attest to this.) It was huge for me to say many of those things out loud, and posting a video about it was even bigger. I am  pretty controlling when it  comes to my online presence.  I am very specific about what I post on all social media networks, and am a big fan of untagging and timeline hiding. Even this blog, I only (for now) share it with a few people. 

With that said, it was so freeing to create the last post.  I didn't really care if anyone liked it or not, or if anyone "got it." I just needed to say that stuff, and I did.  It felt damn good.

Then somebody posted my video on facebook. My stomach dropped.  I thought..."I didn't mean for the world to see it...just my family and friends and stuff....wait!"

Then a voice inside said:

"What a minute Rhonda?"  "What's wrong with that?"  "I thought you were all about being authentic,"  "You said it 25 times in that video."  "Be you." "Love you." "Right?"

Yep.  I was confronted with my own words.  First I thought..."I should tell the person to take it down." * Then I said..."naw just leave it.  Forget who sees it.  Who cares?"  So I didn't say anything.

( *For the record, "person who posted it"  I don't want you to take it down, I'm not mad, and you did nothing wrong, I'll explain soon*)

 I shared this with my husband and he "got me together" (hey this marriage thing, it aint too bad;) Thank you husband.)

He reminded me of a quote my Bigsistermentor Erykah Badu said (one day I'll post about when I "met" her ):

"Once you create something, it's no longer yours."

Dang.

It's true.  That's how art works.  When you put things out into the public you can't control what happens next. Who sees it. Who appreciates it. Who hates it. Who loves it.  Who needs it. Who doesn't care about it. 

Then I thought...that's amazing!  That's the wonderful POWER of art. It spreads, it evolves and it has a life of it's own.

When a director directs a play, his or her job is done opening night.  The play becomes a living breathing thing that often is a completely different piece of work by closing night. It may have not ever turned out to be the story he/she intended to tell.  But the reviewers and audiences may love it anyway.

When a painters paint pictures and showcase the work in a gallery exhibition,  they don't run in after the show and add some more periwinkle ( I just like saying periwinkle) to the ocean scene. But the teal colors in it may have created a the perfect color blend to add to a picture in a new home.

A singer doesn't get to re-do a live performance (although some of them wish they could;) But that song with a few bad notes could have brought tears and healing to someone.

You never know.  As artists, our jobs are just to create. Make art, and make more art.  So that's what I'm going to do.

Rhonda Marie