Back to the Basics

It has been three long months since my last full post. Since I have quite a bit to cover,  I'm dividing this post into three parts: THE BEFORE, THE AFTER, and THE LESSONS.  I have lots to say, so please

bear with this long post, as the most important part is at the very end.

THE BEFORE: January-March
In January, I had so many plans for this year. I was going to:

• Quit my full time job at the NYC DOE to create more flexible schedule for creativity and specifically acting.
• Start working as a home based Early Intervention speech therapist
• Start a private practice as a speech therapist
• Re-Ignite my acting career and obtain representation
• Train and Run a 5k, two 10K’s and half marathon

Yep…I know, this is a lot.  But being the headstrong Aries I am, I pushed forward to pursue my goals., and truly believed I would accomplish it all.

At the end of January, after lots of affirmations and planning, I resigned from my job!  Within days,  I was already generating my next source of income to support my creative endeavors.  I’m going to repeat that:  I was generating my next source of income to support my creative endeavors.  Remember this statement, we’ll revisit it later.  I was hired by three Early Intervention agencies and had started to accept home clients.  The plan was to see home clients as temporary income until I started private practice.  I also had two possible private clients, selected a location for my private practice, and signed up for two intense training workshops to expand my skill set and make me more marketable as a private therapist.  The goal was is to become independent completely, as a speech therapist, artist, and everything in between.

The week after I submitted my 30 day resignation, I started training for the Brooklyn Half Marathon, one of the most popular marathons in the country. It wasn’t easy to start training in the middle of winter, but once I set my mind to something I am passionately determined (read hardheaded) and focused.  My first three mile run was a a little scary and intimidating.  I spent the first 15 minutes asking  myself “why did I do this?” “It’s so cold…this is stupid… why do I always have to have a challenge???”  But after the first 15 minutes, I was elevated to a calm, tranquil space. Running through downtown Brooklyn,  a typically bustling area was eerily peaceful to run through at six in the morning. I experienced such a beautiful feeling and just wanted more and more. It was like a moving meditation—so perfect for a busy body like me.  Where had running been all my life? 


I trained diligently to prepare for my first race, a 5K on March 1st.  Once again it was freezing, but I finished with pretty good time, and was so happy I accomplished my first running goal.  Two weeks later I did a 10K and smiled as a crossed the finish line with Beyonce’s “Grown Woman” blasting in my earphones.  It was LIFE! Although still a bit intimidated by the 13.1 mile half marathon, I knew I had become a RUNNER—or better yet an ATHLETE…something I never felt I would say in my life.  Rhonda that was last picked for kick ball (25 years later it still hurts), Rhonda that tripped over everything (and still do) and Rhonda that once huffed and puffed up steps at 200lbs…is an ATHLETE!  Wow.  Regardless of where I placed in a race, running was something special I discovered that I would always have.

In the month of February I was able to “audition” for two commercial agents, and I had selected a makeup artist to do my makeup for new headshots.  I planned to get my head shots done so I could start fully auditioning again. I couldn’t wait to reignite my acting career under my married name.  I was just waiting until after my last day of work to get it all started.

The AFTER: March-Present

So remember that statement?

“I was preparing for my next source of income to support my creative endeavors.”

Although I was very confident in my decision to resign from my full time job, I was not so confident about losing steady income and benefits.  Worrying about money resulted in me taking on many home clients…TOO MANY to be exact.  The fear of not having enough income and my lack of deep knowledge in Brooklyn neighborhoods left me scrambling like a New York subway rat. I was often late, lost, and stressed.  Also, I was completely drained by the time I came home.  I kept telling myself that “next week it’ll get better, I just have to get my schedule straight…it takes time…blah blah blah.”

By the end of March, I felt like a tired zombie. There was no time, energy, or motivation to pursue any type of creative endeavor.  I looked forward to three things…eating, watching TV, and sleeping. I thought to myself, "this is exactly what I would look forward to I was working full time---how did I get here"?

Amidst all of this, I still tried to maintain running schedule, despite getting sick twice and having to miss a few days.  I felt like my body was responding to my life.  No matter what, I always made sure I did my long runs on Saturday—the best part of my running week.  I love the long runs because I really get to feel that “runners high” and challenge myself to go beyond my limitations. I would always reward myself by seeing something beautiful in Brooklyn on the way. Even when I traveled to California for a week, I was able to throw in  my long run through Palo Alto.  I was imagining myself as one of those runners who race in every city in the world.  Maybe that would be me one day?

In late March, my runs started to get longer, and more gratifying. In the first week of April, I felt a stiffness and dull pain in the back of my leg with accompanying  hip pain.  So I took a break from running for a few days and iced it.  The next Saturday, I ran the longest I had run thus far: eight miles. I felt like Superwoman.Then last Wednesday, I felt a terrible pain in my lower back.


I thought it would go away in a day or two.  I took a break from running for three days, but the pain was consistent.  I finally decided to go to the doctor on Saturday, with the hope that  the doctor would say I was just fine, and I would be able to make my nine-mile long run still that day.  During my examination, I learned that my back was not sore, but inflamed and ultimately injured, likely due to training on concrete. Apparently,  running was  slowly injuring not only my back, but my hips and knees as well—not to mention my archless feet. I was advised to stop running, ice my back for hours upon hours, and ultimately, pull out of the Brooklyn Half Marathon.

 Running was  only thing I had left to look forward to after all of my other plans seemed to fall apart.   Begrudgingly, I decided to take the doctor’s orders and stop my training.  Naturally, I was am crushed. I had just discovered this amazing gift of running, and it was taken away from me in one week. Devastated by the news,  I began my typical depression routine:  emotionally eating, watching mind numbing television, and trying to sleep as much as possible.

THE LESSONS: The present

There is a lesson in everything. In the last four months, things have turned out almost completely opposite of my expectations. Yet, I’ve now discovered that this is one of the greatest gifts:

1) I now realize more than ever that no matter how much you plan, whatever is meant to happen will happen.  If it’s not meant to happen it will not.   That does not mean I should not plan, but I must remember that there is only so much I have can control. It’s simple.

2)  It’s good to set goals, and aspire to great things.  But if I am tired and stressed all the time, what is the point? I have to love myself enough to not overwhelm myself.
I had so much on my plate and set super high expectations.  I left very little room for error and didn’t give myself enough figure it out time.  I felt so drained because everything had to happen RIGHT NOW.  I now realize more than ever that life simply doesn't work that way.

3) I have to take care of problems before they become emergencies. Even though my back injury was discovered last week, it was truly the straw that broke the camel’s back…literally. Being a novice runner, I  probably didn’t warm up enough, stretch enough, and ignored signs of pain in my knees and hips thinking it was just soreness.  I didn’t listen to my body, and let my determination trump truly taking care of myself.  I had heard running on concrete was bad but didn’t realize it could possibly cause long term damage to my body.  I learned a hard lesson. Now,  I have biweekly appointments at the chiropractor and am praying my knees (yep they are hurting too) and back get better so I can just go back to the gym and do my regular workouts.

For all of these reasons, I am now going back to the basics:

• I’m doing more self care, what makes me feel good, and doing things that align with my values.
• I’m reviewing my aspirations to determine what I really want and what is driving me to a specific goal…is it ego based? Does this align with my values and the lifestyle I want to have?
• I’m viewing work as an opportunity to help children and families and not just “a source of income to support my creative endeavors.”
• Most importantly, I’m focusing on just being better in my most important roles: wife, daughter, and friend.

I’m just keeping in simple.

Rhonda Marie